Over the river and through the woods to…..?

We all piled into the multi passenger van and on our way we went. Destination: Ocoee, Tennesse; White Water Rafting. Simple right? Or so we thought….

 

After crossing over the state line into Tenessee and back into Georgia and then back into Tennessee(the correct entrance into Tennesee) we were on our way to camp out for the night and white water raft in the morning. As we’re driving along looking for a place to set up camp we realized….we had no clue where were going really. After stopping to get a sorry map from the national forest center(or something to that affect) which was closed we set out yet again. A few turns later, driving up a mountain to find a campsite and finding that there were no vaccancies(even though the signs claimed there were) we finally found a resting place.  A campsite that was in a pretty random part of the area but a campsite nonetheless.

 **INTERRUPTION**    I started writing this blog on Wednesday the 22nd. I was fully prepared to recant our adventures in camping and white water rafting which were definatley just that….adventures. And at some point, I’m sure that I will share it with you and gladlly will if you ask me about it. (that’s a picture of us at our campsite the main one to the left by the way) However, I feel an overwhelming need to write about something different. I could have written in a completley new post but I realize that this title is pretty fitting and really this “interruption” is pretty much what has happened to me over the last week and how it happened. All of a sudden with no real warning. My life has been interrupted and I find myself going over rivers, through woods and to I don’t know where!

 

Training camp has come and gone. The January 09 squad came in on Friday the 17th and left just this past Sunday.  They are an amazing squad by the way, I enjoyed talking with them, getting to know them and praying for them! The weekend got into full swing as the Break Thru confrence happened. We had some amazing messages from Ron Walborn, the dean at Nyack college in New York on things like identity, the church today and the Holy Spirit.  We also had worship services at night. It was wonderful. This weekend I was encouraged to be a participant, not an intern. So I assumed the role as such. Showed up to the sessions and asked God to show me what He needed me to. Problem was….I didn’t think there was anything left to show me. Since I’ve been here….all I’ve been doing is Breaking through! Constantly learning about myself and about Him….how much more is there to break thru! haha.

 

So Sunday comes around and I’m told we will be greiving. Greiving? Over what? I have no clue what they are talking about…ok whatever I’ll be open. Wanda(Ron’s Wife) starts talking about Greiving the hurts in our lives and letting God completley work through them. Allowing ourselves to be sad and feel those things that may be so deeply within us that we can’t even see them anymore….we’re numb to them.  We get to this park and are told to take the next 2 hours to be alone with God. “Ok,” I thought, “I can handle some good Jesus time.” So I off I went to a secluded open patch of grass where I sat and journaled. Writing out past hurts/instances and praying that God would show me areas where there is still hurt or I need to give over to Him or whatever!

 

A memory came to mind from about 10 years ago in school. I always seemed to remember this instance, for no reason really….I had no clue why I always had remembered it but anyway, I let myself fully think about it; feeling everything I felt in that moment.  I began to verbalize and talk through the feelings and surroundings of the time. And then..I started to cry. What?? I started to cry. Ok. What is happening. I even journaled “Lord, what the heck was that?” I didn’t feel sad really, my voice wasn’t shaking as I verbalized these things but sure enough I began to cry.

 

That time from so long ago started a pattern of thinking and handling situations in my life.  These patterns and thoughts were not ok. What has been “normal” to me is not what God wants.  I blamed myself for broken relationships, thinking something was wrong with me. I put myself at fault for things gone wrong in my past.  I allowed guilt to settle in my life. Condemnation. I can’t believe I’m puting this out to you all now but God is teaching me about vulnerablity(more on that later…) As I type this it’s still quite an eye opening realization. God’s grace is so good though so I know I’m not a hopeless case 🙂

 

So at the park I got up and walked around, I got to the lake. I stood there and thought and prayed and prayed and thought and felt that God wanted to bring me to a place of surrender, and of openness and giving up control, to take me to the next level He has for me and He wants to take me there if I just let Him. I continued to pray. God I feel like you are calling me to action! I don’t know what that means but I think it’s some kind of action. And then….this calm beautiful lake started to ripple, started to move, started to become active out of nowhere. No boats, no animals in the water…the water just decided to pick up at that moment. 

 

I get it. It’s time to work through some stuff…time to get rid of somethings that have kept me silent and have stifeled me and kept me “calm” and let God work. So here goes! (More to come in Part 2 ;))