Teresa Tucker - Serving the Kingdom Through Missions

Catherine

Thu, 6 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

it was a normal day like any other. The team was heading out to the different ministires. Our team in particular was heading out to the Hope house which is the hospus for the sick and dying. It was like most any other ministry day except that we had just come off of a pretty emotional day the day before.. The day before we had been to the hospital which was pretty tough. It was our first time there and the darkness that hung over that place was almost overwhelming. Everyone was full of despair. The people there were sick and hopeless; no smiles in that place. I had never experienced such darkness and just began to pray like crazy for the people there and our ministry team. Specifically we were in the children's ward praying and visiting with people who probably don't have many visitors. I was a little intimadated at first but as a leader it was time to step up. I was with a group of girls who were terrified looking up with faces of "what do we do?" I can't explain it but God completley moved in me in that situation. I just began to model talking to people and praying with them. I look back and think, "Really? did I do that? Did I prayer walk through a destitute hospital and pray with sick children?" It was really an emotionally heavy day for us.

Coming into this new day at the Hope House, I challenged the girls to not be defeated and that God can still work in your brokenness. In fact, that's when He works best, when we are week He is strong! So we walked through the area from house to house, knocking and going into these houses to sit with, talk with and pray with people. It was exciting to see the girls step up and pray even though it was uncomfortable. They were being pushed and it was good.

There was a woman in particular that we came to. Her name was Catherine. She was so sweet. She was a christian woman who loved the Lord and was so encouraging. She was staying there with her father who was very ill. They weren't sure what it was but he was in bed and couldn't move. This would be our second time visting her after coming before and praying and visiting with her. The time before that we had visited her was so sweet. We brought a guitar with us and Sarah played while we sang. She was joyful. We were her sisis (sisters). We came to her on this day and she smiled so wide, happy to see us. As she greeted us she said "look" and pointed. Who did we see? Her father, sitting outside in his chair smiling and talking! It was such a blessing to be able to sit outside and talk to her and her family.

(Houses we visitied) (Catherine in black sitting down, Father by her)

I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in God appointments and that He knows excactly what we need. We had had a rough day previously but through and through he showed His faithfulness in providing encouragement through this family and this woman of God. I will never forget Catherine and the way she called us her sisters and was so excited to see us. I miss her and think of her often. It was a very hard goodbye but I know that He has her and her family in His hands. It was such a testimony of how God works out the details of EVERY situation!!

Goodbyes

Tue, 4 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

It's been a few days over a month since I have returned from Swaziland and what a whirlwind! I look back over the last few weeks and it's easy to feel like I can't even recall what has happened. In the course of a month alone I have had to say goodbye to 3 groups of people, talk about transition! Saying by to my team in Swaziland as well as the Swazi people was hard to do.

I don't think I realized just how hard it was until I left and started to do life without them, without being in Swaziland. It's been fun to keep up with them through email, facebook and random texts but it's not the same. God has been allowing me time to process and has been bringing things to mind that I need to deal with and think through. It's hard to explain but after getting back I was having a really hard time. I wanted to talk about it, but I didn't. Reliving the experiences were good and bad. I realize that talking about it is good and it does help(just like everyone said! lol). More to come on this in the following blogs- stories from Swaziland!

Upon returning to Gainesville, there were SO many changes and I think it really shook me up. Trying to process what happened in Swazi and then get back to "normal" whatever that means. I had to switch gears and begin to think about saying by to my GA family. Wow! After family vacation in the mountains it was time for a little getaway in the mountains with my comife family. We stayed in an amazing cabin the mountains and had a great time talking about the past year, what's to come and just hanging out with one another! It was a bittersweet time as we prayed for one another and spent time together white water rafting and playing games.

As we left, we headed back to the office to give our supervisors and mentors gifts that we had made them. When we reached we were greeted with a "SURPRISE!" The AIM staff were there to greet us with a pizza party that was full of prayer for each of us, laughs and one last fun time to spend with them.

It was a great time and I felt very grateful for the family that I had made at AIM. I am truly blessed to know them and have worked with them. I headed out on Friday morning (the 31st) and gave my hugs and byes to all my roomates. Iit was a little surreal, and like Africa it probably won't hit me until a few weeks from now when I am settled into Wheaton and realizing how much I had and that I am doing life without them. But I am sure that God, just as He is doing now, will give me some way to process and think through those tough things that get brought to mind and though it would be hard to re live and talk about some things, it will all be for the best.

What a great year this has been! I am so blessed that God gave me this year as an opportunity for new growth and experiences. My time with AIM is up but my time as a servant and as more of who God has made me will never end. Thanks to all of you who have been following me during this year. I'l still have this blog when I go to Wheaton and hope to update you with what is going on there!

Swaziland Picture Albums!

Tue, 4 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

View all my pics from Swazi here:

Copy the following links into your browser:

Manzini:

http://picasaweb.google.com/tnicole08/SwazilandAfricaManzini?feat=directlink

Nsoko

http://picasaweb.google.com/tnicole08/SwazilandAfricaNsoko?authkey=Gv1sRgCMnbvPe33q6IJw&feat=directlink

Safari!

http://picasaweb.google.com/tnicole08/SafariInSwazi?authkey=Gv1sRgCO_zt423-uyggQE&feat=directlink

Check out this video!

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here's a short video, real short lol but cute of 2 little boys at the care point. I think they'll be famous one day!

The girl in my picture...

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Allow me to introduce to you the girl in my picture. (to your left, my main picture) Her name is Sheshlay(not how you spell it at all I am sure, but how it sounds) she was "my girl" Although we loved all the kids at the carepoint she was the one I spent the most time with and would run up to me everytime we entered the Care point. I loved her! She was ALWAYS singing. We sang a lot of songs together and she even taught me a few. I really believe she knew Jesus loved her too. I really hope that some of the girls from the team put up videos soon so you can see her in action! She was on my mind so I thought I'd write about her and post some pics of her. She is beautiful ay? I miss her alot and thought that I would share her with you all! Thanks Autumn and Sarah for some of these pics!

Ministry in Swaziland

Mon, 6 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here's a little break down of our ministries:

We arrived to Swaziland, in an area called Manzini, which is the city, with our 11 participants on a Friday. We were blessed with a great house. It had electricity and water most of the time. I stayed in a room with bunk beds with the girls. (Mine is the top one on the right)

As leaders we were busy trying to set things up. The leaders were me, Doyle and Tonya. Doyle and Tonya brought their 4 kids(8,10,13 and 15) with them and they were part of the team. It ended up being a good dynamic. They jumped into ministry just like the rest of the team. It was great to see! Upon settling into Manzini we were finally able to meet up with AIM staff and had 3 specific ministries laid out for us. We split the team into three groups, with a leader in each group and began the rotation.

The three ministires were:
Hope house- This was a Hospice. We could go and visit with the sick or dying and pray with them and just bring love to them. It was cool because it was like visiting these people at their house. We would knock and almost all of them would let us in and we would begin to spend time with them for however long. (usually 12-2pm)

Hospital- This was a hospital like no other. It was nothing like our hospitals here in the states. You walk in and there are just beds all over the place. Where our team spent time in was the children's ward. We would approach people to ask them if they would like prayer or just talk with them. Some of our team would go over to the malnutrition unit and spend time with the moms and babies there. It was unreal, these premature babies that weighed 2 and 3 lbs that were not in incubators. (this was also a 12-2pm time period)

Carepoint- This is a center kind of. It is a place where kids in the community can come to and get a meal and education. There are Gogos(grandmothers) who make the meal for the day and a teacher to teach the kids. We go and just love on them. Play with the kids, help the gogos with the meal, or help them clean or help teach a bible lesson. This carepoint was about a block from the house so we usually would walk there. One team would go there and spend the whole day and the other teams would meet up and finish out the day at the carepoint til around 4 or 4:30.

So much happened in each of these areas of ministry. I will attempt to tell you what I can and as much as I can. I admitt that it is taking a lot to share. It's the weirdest feeling. I want to share but at the same time I don't. I need to share though, these stories need to be told and Swaziland needs to be kept alive. It's hard though beacuse I can feel really detached and just like no one will ever get it. But I want you to get it, and how will people get it if they don't know and aren't told? So this is what I got and it's me processing as I write it so thanks for your grace with me as I stumble through words, thoughts and experiences!

Love the one in front of you

Mon, 6 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

At the Care point the kids were as cute and precious as ever. The same we had been with all week. We did a bible study with the younger and older kids. They both went really well. It was cool to see the team step up into leadership roles with the kids. I enjoyed getting to see them flourish, step out and see what they are capable of and have it "click." It was a great time.

Shortly after, a little girl came to the carepoint that day. She had her little sister on her back. She was too young to have to be carrying her sister. Heartbreaking. Her little sister had no underwear on, nose running, wheezing, eyes glazed, blank stare. What do I do? There had to be something right? The Mage(pronounced ma-gay, means mother in Si Swati) just said, "oh she is just needy." Needy? That's it? I had no cold medicine at the time, my cell wasn't working to call Tonya to bring some. All I could do was look in my purse, all I saw was this colorful hankerchief, pink, yellow and white for my hair. I tied it around her to make some kind of underwear. One of the girls helped me give her cold medicine that someone else had on them. She just stood there and drank it. It was probably the best thing she tasted in awhile. I just sat there and stroked her hair and held her hand. There was nothing else I could really do. My heart sank as she got on her sister's back again and they walked back home.

I remember that day that I got away for a second where no one was at and just cried. I felt so helpless. The reality of this place sank deep. But God quickly showed me that sometimes that is all that is needed. Someone to hold them and to love them. To just show them love right where they are at and allow Him to use me in whatever capacity for that moment in time. After traviling and so much walking barefoot down rough roads they need rest. Just needed somone to love on them in some way. It was so hard, I wanted to go into my fix it mode and bring all the "American solutions" let's clothe her and feed her and take her to the doctor. But those are all just physical things. Where does she live? Does she have a family? What happens after she leaves? Really I don't know if I came to any resolution or if I ever really do. I think I just become ok with the fact that I loved the one in front of me the best I could and even if for just a moment was Jesus to that girl.

Home is where the heart is.....

Fri, 3 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hello everyone! Well I am home. I got back into Georgia on Monday morning and what a time of adjustment it has been. I got in at around 7:30am and after seeing that my team made if off to their connecting flights I went to check in at the hotel AIM had set up for leaders to debreif. The next day or so consisted of us talking about our time in our locations, resting and having some down time. I got back to the house in Gainesville Tuesday night and have been sleeping and lounging ever since. It's been such a weird transition not being with my team or in Swaziland. I miss the people so much and already want to go back! I hope to share with you specific stories over the next few weeks but I have to be honest right now I am still wading through it and processing it all. So for now, I can promise you pictures to come and many stories. I will leave you with this. This is where I am at right now. I wrote this when i got in on Monday. Please stay tuned more will be coming in the next week! In the meantime keep me and my team in your prayers as we are trying to adjust. Also for my suppport. I didn't raise all that was needed before I left and need to have it payed off before I leave in July. Thanks!

Here's what I wrote:

Now that I am back in the states I'd love to share a little of my heart with you. The past month with this team has been truly amazing. It has been nothing that I expected and everything that I could have ever wanted or needed. As I sit here writing this I am currently in a well air conditioned hotel, getting ready for leader debrief, on a double bed at about 5:30pm. It's crazy how things can seemingly change in an instant. I can't believe I am home.

It is now 11:30pm in Swaziland. I think about Doyle and Tonya(the other leaders) settling in back at the house with the kids. The ambassador team(high school team) had their first day of ministry today, and probably met the kids! I hope they saw my little girl SheShay(that's how it sounds, not how it's spelled!) I hope she got a lot of loving and that she serenaded them with her songs and giggles! Oh my heart is heavy for these kids today. What did they do and how are they? I am grateful though that they have a team to come in and love on them!

So here I am back in the states. Touched down around 7am and back into the hustle and bustle we were. It's funny because for most of the trip we would dream up and imagine what being home would be like. What would be our first meal? Who would we see first? Would we just want to talk about all our experiences right away or maybe just cry because we miss those kids and our team? Well, in my first 10 hours I have had McDonalds for my first meal. (not as good as I was counting on but YAY for sweet tea!) I have talked with my parents and best friends and really find that I can't even begin to put into words all that I feel or have experienced and already, I miss the people I met like crazy!

I find that I may have dreamt about home in Swazi all the time but here, I will dream about Swazi. It seems that maybe home is a bit more of a loser term now because part of my heart will be in Swazi forever and I really do think, at the risk of sounding cheesy, that home is where the heart is. So, my challenge and the challenge for the team is to keep swazi alive in our hearts and minds and bring the news of what is going there to those around us. Keep the news of Swazi alive, share stories. pictures, videos, tears and laughs no matter how hard it is! To let people know what God did and is doing and remember home in Swazi with the team and with the people there.

A real quick update!

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Thanks for your continued prayers. We are moving right along. This week has definatley had it's shares of ups and downs. We experienced a few tough days of ministry spiritually speaking. It was a real test for us to stand firm in the power of Christ and our team pushed through! Along with that came great victories! We had some awesome converstaions with the Swazis this week loving and praying for them. Please contiue to lift us up in prayer!

Can't believe we will be leaving next weekend. What a great time it has been! Well, gonna head out. Time is almost up on the comp. Heading to a safari today too!! it will be fun :)

Love you all!

A week in Swaziland!

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hello all! Just a quick update!

I am at the AIM offices here in Swazi. It's about 11:30am. Today we are in town for a little while longer and then we are going on a hike through some beautiful African terrain. I can't believe it's already been a week. I am a little surprised. Maybe it's still all a little surreal. I just wonder when it will really hit me? I know it begn to when I thought I was walking into oncoming traffic but it was just that they drive on the left. Then I thought it was when I couldn't always flush the toilet, I need to let it fill up. Or maybe when the sink clogged and we had a flood in the kitchen. Or maybe when electricity decides to go out!

Our days mainly consist of ministry. It is on Africa time though which has been an adjustment in and of itself! When you say 10 it means 12. When you say soon it means later and you don't make any promises if you can help it! Our days do usually start around noon. We head out to the care point where we play with the kids. We run around with them, jump rope, play soccer or just hold them because they don't ever get any kind of love or attention at all. They are all ages from baby to 15. We also get to help the go-gos (the grandmothers who usually run the carepoints) make the lunch, clean up or lead bible lessons. It's amazing what they have to do every single day! We usually get back to the house around 5pm and do dinner and team stuff. It works out pretty well with saturdays as our day off together.

The reality of my experiences here may never fully be realized until I get home. At this time I think I am still processing. Seeing orpans running excitedly to food.....spoiled food at the dump. Or a 5 year old carrying a 2 or 3 year old on her back with only a top on who is wheezing. My heart wants more for them. I want to just do do do. But me just being there with them to hug and sit with them is enough, and I am ok with that.

The team is great. Keep praying as colds are running through the team. I am finally just getting over mine! But the team is really stepping up and pushing through it. They are leading bible lessons with the kids, helping out wherever there is need and really loving on the people of Swazi.

I'll try to update again before we leave. I am not always guarenteed communication but I will try. Thanks for your prayers. God is clearly at work here!

Community is the Cure

Wed, 3 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The past few days have been amazing and tonight at 8pm I will be boarding a plane to head to Swaziland for the next month! I had the opportunity to finally meet my team that I will be spending the next month with in Swaziland! It is a group of 11 beautiful girls plus me and the Wallace family, 18 total! It has been a week of laughs, ups, downs and challenges from team builders and powerful messages to hang out time and late night dance parties.

Taking on the role of a leader has been quite the experience. I came really excited to see what I could bring to the table with my community experiences and with all the changes that I have experienced over the last few months. I will be honest, my first impulse was to force my community experiences on this new team. I know the mistakes we've made and lessons we've learned while here in Community Life and I so badly wanted to make sure this team understood all of that. God quickly showed me that He was in control of this team and things would happen in His timing. I couldn't make anything happen. The "deep" and "transforming" things had to be left up to God to do within our group. One of our last nights we had a talk on rights and expectations. It was great because it allowed us to evaluate what we were expecting for this time and what we need to give over to God for control. I surrendered my team and pressures to make the team into something, to the Lord realizing that I had a lot of expectations of how things "should be" or what people should do. I then looked at my team and immediately saw the Lord moving. They were praying for each other and ministering to one another. Things that clearly were prompted my the holy spirit and clearly nothing that I did to force an agenda. I realized that it was God Himself working in and though us!

As we go through next month, trying to figure out what this community will look like for us as we come with all different kinds of gifts and personalities, I realize that what we will have in common is our God and our need for each other. We will struggle with missing home, not having the same convienences and lack of personal space. The great thing about this? We will not be alone as we walk through these times. We will have each other, and that will be the solution to the things we face. That will be a promising outlook for our time; each other.

As I write this and as I sat through this training I couldn't help but think over my time in community. They have become my family and trutfully what I look to for my solution in trouble times and really for normalcy. I don't think I really got it until this weekend but my community has been my cure. It has been what has healed me and walked with me througout this time and keeping me crazy and sane at the same time. I am so grateful for them and see that what has kept us going through this time has been them, Christ in them! The whole time it was nothing I or any one person was doing and everything God was doing in and through them.

I hope to continue to see that manifest more on this trip. Please keep us in your prayers and check out 09sw0529rl1@myadventures.org for updates of our ministries, how we are doing and what's going on in general. Thanks to all of you for your support! Also keep my finances in mind as I continue to raise 1500 more to get to my goal.

Love you all so much!

Update: Praise and Prayer request!

Sat, 23 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Supporters, readers and friends I thank you for the support that you have shown me during this time of preperation for Swaziland and during my stay in Georgia. I feel your prayers and would love to share with you the wins and praises! I started with a goal of $2500 that has I need raised before I leave for Swaziland on June 3rd. I am happy to share with you that I am now down to $1700! God has used you to bring $800 in less than 2 weeks! I still have a ways to go but God is showing me that He is more than able and more than faithful! I wanted to share this with you to say thanks and that I am excited to see how else He moves!

I would also love to take the time to share with you about my lovely housemate Toya. She is such a loved and valued member of our community. I have learned so much from her. From life skills and cooking(such an AMAZING cook), to spiritual maturity and encouraging. She also has an amazing vision for the African American Church and reaching out to them with Missions. Her passion for this is contagious and I am so excited to see how the Lord uses this vision to reach out! She took a week to go to churches and speak on partnering with AIM and the importance of missions in their churches.

Unfortunatley, our roomate, friend and sister has come up against some financial struggles. She stands at needing $3000 by June 1st or she whill have to leave. We as a community would hate to see this happen! I would hate to see this happen! As God has proved faithful to me, I know He will to her. So if you or anyone you know can do anything, please do. And please keep her covered in prayer during this time. Her time is not through here!!

Here is a video that I would love to share with you about our sister Toya!

Check out her blogsite at: www.toyamac.myadventures.org

Swaziland needs you!

Thu, 14 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

As most of you are now aware, I will be going to Swaziland, South Africa in a little less than 3 weeks! In 2 weeks I will be taking part in training camp here at the offices. I will get an opportunity to meet my team and these participants that I will be pouring into for the month of June. Then on June 3rd I will head out with my team from Atlanta. From Atlanta I will fly into Johanasburg South Africa and then from there we will go to Swaziland. I am so excited and really eager to go. I appreciate your prayers as I prepare physically, emotinally and spiritually. These weeks of preperation have definatley been a time of spirtual attack. I haven't felt as overwhelmed and stressed as I have latley. I know that this is because of the awesome things that God wants do in the coming month and Satan doesn't like it! It's been a test of my faith and I have been asking for the Lord's peace as I am getting ready.

Financially speaking I am still not where I need to be. I know that God is faithful. I still need to have $2400 before we leave. Please pray about how you may be able to support me. No amount is too small!! It's not just about money for a trip to Africa or money for me, it's about getting a chance to minister to the people in Swazi who need to know the love of Christ! You can make an impact on Swaziland!

You can:

Give online(quickest and perferred way) at this blogste and clicking on "Support Me!" on the left panel.
Give by sending a check in the mail to: PO Box 534470 Atlanta GA 30353-4470 (Make sure to write my name in the memo line, that way it will go directly to my support account)
PRAY! MOST IMPORTANT! I appreciate your prayers during this preparation time. Pray that my heart will be prepared and ready for the people I will be coming in contact with, on my team and in Swaziland. Also that I will be able to focus and hear from the Lord at this time and not be swayed discouragement!

I'd love take this time to share some info on Swazi!!

SWAZILAND

At about the size of New Jersey, Swaziland is located in South Africa with a population of just over one million

AIDS has taken over Swaziland, making it the most AIDS infected country in the world with over 44.2% that are HIV+.

TThe population fell from 1.1 million 2 years ago than less than a million this year - which means the people are dying faster than they're being born.

Life expectancy is 28.7 years 44.2% are HIV+
Between the ages of 15 and 25 girls have an infection rate of 56%

There are presently over 100,000 orphans in the less than 1 million population

558% of children don't go to school because they can't afford school fees/uniforms

70% of children will be HIV+ by the time they are 15 years old

Only 1 in 10 children will make it to the age of 30

According to the UN statistics, the entire country will be dead - wiped off the face of the earth- by 2050.

MINISTRY
Base City: Manzini

Much of my time will be dedicated to spending time with orphans and other folks who have been affected by this awful disease. I will get to simply love unconditionally and spend quality time with people in need. The Swazi people are renowned for their warmth and kindness, and will be sure to leave a lasting impression. I will have the chance to spend time with people who have been shunned, stigmatized and rejected because of their state. My time in Swaziland could play a role in changing the life of a person, or perhaps an entire nation.

Please consider how you could be a part of this movement with me! Check out this video below from a girl who went to Swazi. Get a good look into the beautiful people of Swazi!

Take Part in God's Work- Community Life!

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I have shared about a lot of the wonderful things I have expereinced and learned in this community over the last few months. It is clear that God is on the move and He is showing himself through living in community with one another and truly knowing what it means to do that! I want you to have the opportunity to take part in this work that God is doing! If it's on your heart even the littlest bit, I encourage you to pray and be led by the Lord to take part in this intentional community!

Program Dates are: September 1, 2009 - July 30, 2010
January 8, 2010 -- November 19, 2010

Once we receive your application, we'll send more details and contact you to discuss the program. If you have questions, please call
1-800-881-2461 or contact our Admissions Department.

Check out: www.adventures.org/community for even more infomation on Community Life!!

Ch-ch-ch-changes...Pt2

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

In January, as most know, I switched internships over from World Race to the Admissions Team. This was something in the works for quite awhile, but basically there was some managment and organizational changes and this included World Race no longer needing an intern.

So I started on with Admissions, which was kind of a weird transition at first, with some admitted hestinancy as most of my job entails making phone calls. Lets just say that working in a call center previously had left a less than desirable taste in my mouth for working on phones again. I quickly learned that this was way more than making phone calls. You see, one of the things I love most about AIM is that a key component of their ministry is discipelship. Discipleship is something I value very much and that I would like to be involved with in the future. What Admissions has allowed me to do is disciple people right over the phone. After informing them of trips that we have available for them to go on over the summer, I get to call and follow up, which includes phone calls to pray with them, encourage them and generally check in with them in life. It's a form of discipleship. What is even moreso exciting is when we have training camps. These people, that the team and I have been talking to and walking through this time with, get to meet us and we get to meet them. It's a really sweet time. Discipleship, mentoring and things of that nature were big passions in my heart and I began to ask the Lord how He would have me use my leadership skills, that He was developing in me, and my gift of encouragement in my life.

For as long as I can remember I have had the desire to have my own buisness. Over the years that has shifted from my own practice to my own center into now my own organization. A place for students to come and get counseling or mentoring services as well as for an outlet for expression. This has increasingly risen to the surface in me as I have been a part of AIM. With graduate school being something that has always been a goal of mine, I decided that I would go full speed ahead, dive in and apply. My first choice: Wheaton College in IL. One of the top christian colleges in the US. A pretty lofty goal but one that I perseveered through. Pushing through the process of applying and test taking I gave it to the Lord trusting that I would get in somewhere if God desired for me to continue on in education. I continued on in my search of applying to other schools in the country.

A couple of weeks ago however, in the midst of my search, it happened. I received my acceptance letter to Wheaton College. I will be attending in the fall as a part of their Christian Formation and Ministry program. The program focuses on leadership and dicipelship development for those who want to eventually have their own ministries and organizations. So come the end of August I will be moving to Chicago! I am so excited for this new phase of my life. What is most exciting is that this is an open door completley from the Lord. You get so use to the waiting time that when you finally get a door it can almost be shocking. I heard the Lord say, "here is the door, walk through it!"

So what does this mean in the meantime? Of course there is plenty of prep to take into consideration between money, housing, visting etc. But I still have the next couple of months to think about, in the context of being with AIM.

Two weekends ago, AIM held leader training for those interested in leading an overseas missions trip this summer. I attended and what a blast we had.

We did a lot of team builders to understand how we led, communicated and how we could do the same with our group out on the field. (Picture left: us in the picture trying to get the raft to float)We also had time to spend with the Lord asking Him and seeking in His word what He sees in a leader and values in a leader. This usually contrasted how we ourselves viewed leadership. God tested me with the question of what lense have I been viewing myself through as a leader? My own, His or the world's. I realized that I was trying to live up to the pressure I put on myself though comparing myself to others, to perform a certain way, especially as a leader. God showed me in his word that things like: compassion, humilty and integrity are very important. Words like, loud, likeable and proud were not mentioned. I suddenly became comfortable in my own skin. Knowing that who I am as a leader is fine and He continues to ever refine and develop things in me from day to day. So with the discipleship I have been going through and giving while here in Georgia, leadership and discernment from the Lord, I have decided to take the opportunity to lead a trip to Swaziland South Africa this summer. For 1 month I will co-lead along side a married couple. We will have a team ages 18-22 and serve as leaders to them. This will be a great opportunity for God to challenge me into new areas of leadership, be empowered by a wise and experienced christian couple and to love on the people of Swazi. I will also get to see and lead these students we have been working with through this process of them preparing for the trip. am excited to share more about Swaziland in the coming blogs. What I ask of you in this time is your prayers. There is alot to do in the next few months between preparing emotionally as well as spirtually and also financially.

Financially speaking I have not completed my Community Life goal. I am still in need of $700. I also am going to have to raise $2500 for my trip to Swaziland. It can seem daunting to think about having to do all of this in what seems a short amount of time but I know that God is faithful and He will see it through. I do ask that you please consider how you could be a part of partnering with me in this ministry and kingdom work!

You can:

Give financially online by clicking on "Support Me!" to the left.
Give finanicially by sending a check in the mail to:
PO Box 534470 Atlanta GA 30353-4470 (Make sure to write my name in the memo line, that way it will go directly to my support account)
PRAY! MOST IMPORTANT! I appreciate your prayers during this time of planning and getting things together. For this trip: that my heart will be prepared and ready for the people I will be coming in contact with, on my team and in Swaziland. For my move: Starting this new chapter of life that the Lord has opened for me. I am desiring the Lord's guidance most of all throughout all of this and seeking HIM and His best.

I look foward to sharing more of what is going on in the coming weeks and leading up to the trip and move! Thanks for your support!

Ch-ch-ch-changes (Pt1)

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

In this blog I have shared many lessons that I have learned while being here with AIM; struggles, successes, ups and downs. I have shared some very real things here and thanks for being on the journey with me. Here I am in April, really nearing the end of April, and I can't help but reflect on these past 7 almost 8 months. Has it really been only 7 months for all that has happened?? Believe it or not, it's going to be coming to a close not too far from now and I feel it important to share how these lessons and times have pointed me to where I am at now and into what is the "culmination" of my time at AIM. A good place to start: the beginning. So here it goes.

I arrived in September and my new life in Georgia began. I remember it so clearly. My Mom, Dad, sister and I pulled up in our rented van to this brick house that I would live in for the next 11 months. It was surreal and I really don't think it hit me until my parents were driving away that night. There I sat in my room not having a clue what was next. My expecations? To have a good internship experience for my resume, maybe lead a trip, be involved in a church and hopefully make some friends along the way. For us new to Comlife, we were thrown right in there; a staff picnic here, dinners at people's houses, an internship and serving at traning camps. Before you knew it was Thanksgiving and so much had already happened. During all this God began to speak, He began to work. He spoke to me about my identity in Him. He brought me back again and again to Ephesians 1 & 2 and challenged me to step into who He was calling me to be....whatever that was.

It was so overwhelming to me, there was more of myself He wanted to reveal to me? More to work on? I'll never

forget that day at the lake, when He clearly showed me that activation was about to take place. Things were on the horizon for me and I needed to get ready, He was going to start preparing me and my response: alright God, I'm in. What happened in the months to follow were a series of more refining and pruning; ups and downs. Changes happened in our communit; from

the gain of four more roomies, and the leaving of a long time roomate. It became more pertinent to take joy in one another and understand living lfe together. We sharpened and encouraged each other. We made each other mad and made each other sad. We've had fun and we've grown. I've grown. That is currently where I sit. In the reality that I have grown.

This growth has shown itself in many ways. God has been showing me that just because my expectations of how I would grow didn't come just as I had expected, doesn't mean that change hasn't happened. Also, that growth for me doesn't look the same as growth for Rosie or Shaye or any of my other roomates. God has been moving and doing things in my life and I need to recoginze it and praise the Lord for it! Thank You Lord. So what has this all really led me to? The summer and my plans; or should I say His plans for me. Currently this involves leading a trip to Swaziland, Africa and attending Wheaton College this fall.

More back story to follow!

Love- My response in the desert

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

What I wrote about last was about Stephen and the opposition he faced when puting the truth out to the Jews. I had all intentions of sharing with you about how God showed me what love means through this. Things like how Stephen chose to love like Christ in sharing the truth even though he knew that it wouldn't be received and that has really changed how I look at loving others. It means more than just loving when you don't want to. It means loving when you know you NEED to and regardless of the response. Well I could continue on and give you a chunk of some great biblical truths which would be great but I'd like to go a little deeper into some heart stuff. This is some of what I wrote in my journal on Wednesday morning. As much as I have been learning about and have been wrestling with what love is and how to love, here is where I am at throughout this time and how I am choosing to respond and it's all I know how to do!

"Jesus, it's so hard to choose. That's all I can think of right now. Your example is one I want to follow but it is hard. It just is. The truth is that I have been hurt. I have been wronged and how do I not hold those hurts agianst people? Especially people who were/are my friends that I have chosen to love but have only hurt back. Walking into relationshps selflessly is how. It usually starts with good intentions and then things go wrong....promises are broken and hurt happens. What do I choose in those situations? Typically I choose to stay hurt and to stay in that "you're undeserving" state. But I desire to learn how to choose love and that means.....choosing a GOD focus! The more I know You and who You are, the more I know love and how to love others, yes, that must be it. I hear my sisters in my community and what they are struggling with and my first response? Why don't I know what is going on in their lives? Why don't I know how to pray for them? A relationship should be reciprocal of course but I realize that for as much of a giver as I feel I am in relationships, I have somehow given with a self focus. I'll do this or that thing with the hopes that they will do this or that in return. I am not loving from an abundance of Christ's love. If I was then I would not struggle with these things. The love of Christ would compel me to choose to love others. I need to KNOW and SEEK the heart of GOD and who He is!"

So that's the quest I am currently on....to know God. To really know and expereice Him. To take my eyes off the stuff around me and any overwhelming feelings that I tend to rest in. On Thursdays I have been going to a young adult ministry. I enjoy it so much and this past Thrusday they sang a song called the Desert song. Everything in it resonated with me. I feel like I am in valleys, in deserts and I want to throw up my hands and scream "this is too hard! I am tired of the lessons and trials! of hard conversations and broken relationships!" But it was so simple as I lifted my voice in this song....I will praise Him. I will choose to know Him and stand on HIM and His promises because while people fail and change and this world rages on, He is still the same.

This is my prayer in the desert:

The Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

The Journey to Love (Part 2)

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

When I initially wanted to share these lessons I have been learning lately, I had an idea of how I wanted to do so. Talk about love and what it is and how in light of that I should apply it to my everyday life. However, it's funny how God can totally change your plans isn't it? I feel like the last few days have been nothing but revelation after revelation. It's awesome but I must admit, a little overwhelming. It can be a lot to take in. But I see that rather than let myself get bogged down; I'll take it one lesson at a time, one step at a time.

We have been going through the book of Acts and recently we went through chapters 6 and 7 and the story of Stephen. Stephen was picked to be in charge of food distribution to the widows. He was described however as "a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit." He quickly faced opposition from Jews who thought he was going against the Jewish beliefs. Stephen's speech that proceeds is one of knowledge of the Jews history to show them that he doesn't disagree with them.

After his speech he ends in saying:

Acts 7:51-53 ⁵¹"You stiff-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit! ⁵²Was there ever a prophet your fathers did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him- ⁵³you who have received the law that was put into effect through angels but have not obeyed it."

As you can imagine, at this point they weren't happy with him. I mean wouldn't you be if you had just been scolded and called out on the way you live your life? The response of the people? Stoning. Stephen dies at the hands of an angry crowd.

Simple story enough right? A man standing up for truth, and opposition responding in anger. But there is so much more. There's a story of love here. I can't even believe it as I write this but what God revealed to me through this passage is what I feel He has revealed to me over the last few weeks in my life personally.

It's so great to see how He backs it up by pointing it out to me in His word.

To be continued....

The Journey to Love (Part 1)

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

^{1 Corinthians 13}

If I speak in the tonguesof men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Love is patient, It is not easily angered.

Love is kind, it is not rude.

Love always perseveres, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love is not self seeking it does not boast, it is not Proud

The journey that the Lord has been taking me on latley is a journey to love. Questions like: What is love? How do I love others? How does God love? are questions that have continued to flood my mind latley. I feel like I have never been tested so much as I have been latley with what it means to truly love like Christ did.

To choose to be

patient and not easily angered........

kind and not rude.......

to keep going and not holding past wrongs against a person.....

to not be in it for myself and not feel deserving or entitled to a response. .......

It is really on my heart to share with you the things that the Lord is revealing to me in this area and in a sense reveal what I feel is His heart.

So over the next blogs I'll share what my journey and steps through and to this have been over the past few weeks. Feel free to weigh in whenever

All I can say to start is that in my struggle with learning what it really means to love others, God has pointed me back to His son. EVERY time. How did HE show love? What was the way that He responded and responds to people..... and to me?

Romans 5:7&8 - ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

He was not picky and choosey. He didn't look at the hearts of men and choose to die for those who were godly over ungodly or righteous over unrighteous. He didn't choose those who would receive His love over those who wouldn't. He died for sinners, for ALL sinners, while were were all still sinners and seperate from Him. (By the way this just blows my mind. So if I am to be learning to become more and more like Christ, my love toward others shouldn't be based on a response? more to come on this later)

So while we were seperated from Him. While we chose to stay in our sin, He still chose to demonstrate love to us. He still desired us. So, His blood bridges me to Him, no longer am I seperated because of the sacrifice He made....all for love.

Ephesians 2:13

¹³But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.

And isn't this great? What a revelation. The blood. The blood is what makes it ok to come to the Father. That's what He sees when we approach His throne and it is unconditional love and acceptance because of the choice His son made. Thank you Oh God that I am covered by that.

This is only the first steps of the journey......I pray that you stick around to see more of what I believe is His heart for Love.

Prosperity?

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This is a blog that I had started writing awhile back. Hope you enjoy some of my thoughts:

This morning in my time with the Lord I read over Proverbs 3. It's a passage that I have looked over plenty of times. Particularly in verses 5-6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.....etc

However, it's interesting how the Lord can show you something new in such a seemingly familiar passage as this. The specific word that was highlighted to me in this passage was the word prosperity. In verses 1 and 2 it says: "My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity." Properity. What does that mean? And in particular, what does it mean to me? Immediate things come to mind such as financial success, favor, pleasure. But what I was being challenged with was, what is the Lord's idea of prosperity and success for my life?

It is so easy to get caught up in the uncertainty of things. What's next? How do the things that I am choosing to do effect the plan for later? What if I pick the wrong thing, etc...

It hit me as I read this passage, He desires prosperity for my life....and with that means HIS best. It may not be prosperity as I see it to be or as I have made it to be but really prosperity in the eyes of My Father who knows what's best for me.

So as I looked more intently into the word I looked at the verse : "In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

I meditated on what it meant to acknowledge God in ALL my ways. I realized that there were parts of my life that I was still holding onto and not fully bringing before Him. Things that I deemed not a "big enough deal" to bring before the Lord or that I wanted to still have control over. But it became clear to me that the more I brought these things before Him, the more the paths and details would seem less confusing and complicated.

So what does that mean for my life now? It means that I will be making a concious effort to bring everything fuly before the Lord. All the parts of my life. My future, my present. And that I bring up my questions, desires, fears etc before the Lord knowing that He's walking with me.

Amander :)

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

For the past 6 months that I have been here in Georgia I have shared my ups, downs, and lessons. Mentioned my community and roomates but little has been said specifically about my roomates. I'd like to take time to talk to you about one of my housemates in particular.

Her name: Amanda Dums. The one and only :)

It has been a pleasure to live in community with her. Amanda is one of our leaders in the house with Community Life. When I think of Amanda, words like creative, fun and bold come to mind. I also think of nature when I think of her, she loves being outside! Along with her mad knitting and sewing skills, this Wisconsin native is always trying to find new and different ways that our group can be challenged in our spending time together as well as in our spiritual lives. There is definatley more to her than Wisconsin cheese and farms :) She brings to this group community experiences from The World Race as well as her time in Cairo, IL and it shows. She has ease and is comfortable with us. Her smile lights up the room and her laugh is infectious. I am thankful for the joy and spirit she brings to this group.Upon meeting Amanda I think the first "vibe" I got was that of a mother. (She's not going to like that I said that :P) But really that's her nature, to nurture. I appreciate her caring instincts and qualities. To seek people out and to be aware of what's going on around in the people around her.

Along with that is her nature to ask questions and stir up conversation. She asks the hard questions, challenges us to come face to face with things that we need to look at and is good at bringing us back to the purpose and point of things when we derail or go off topic.

I also appreciate the way that she helps to see the positive. Sometimes in our personal lives as well as in community it is easy to focus on the negatives or on the things that we struggle with. She is always quick to also highlight the good, which is very much needed.

I appreciate everything she has done and contributed to this group.

Personally I have gained alot from her experiences, encouragment and challenges to me.

Check out more about her here: www.amandadums.theworldrace.org

Ready to BreakThru?

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Back in October I blogged a little bit about a confrence that we hosted at the AIM offices here in Ganesville, GA. Well, the time has come again. We will be hosting the next conference on March 27-30th. Break thru conference is about growing closer to the Lord and allowing Him to reveal the things that may be holding you back from a deeper and closer relationship with Him. There will be great speakers and great worship. If you are interested, I encourage you to look into it.

Here is a link to more info about it including prices, speakers, meals etc: http://www.adventures.org/docs/breakthru.pdf

I had an awesome experience last time and I hope the same for you!

Excerpt from the last Break Thru conference:

The weekend got into full swing as the BreakThru conference happened. We had some amazing messages from Ron Walborn, the dean at Nyack college in New York on things like identity, the church today and the Holy Spirit. We also had worship services at night. It was wonderful. This weekend I was encouraged to be a participant, not an intern. So I assumed the role as such. Showed up to the sessions and asked God to show me what He needed me to. Problem was....I didn't think there was anything left to show me. Since I've been here....all I've been doing is Breaking through! Constantly learning about myself and about Him....how much more is there to break thru! haha.

Sunday comes around and I'm told we will be greiving. Greiving? Over what? I have no clue what they are talking about...ok whatever I'll be open. Wanda(Ron's Wife) starts talking about Greiving the hurts in our lives and letting God completley work through them. Allowing ourselves to be sad and feel those things that may be so deeply within us that we can't even see them anymore....we're numb to them. We get to this park and are told to take the next 2 hours to be alone with God. "Ok," I thought, "I can handle some good Jesus time." So I off I went to a secluded open patch of grass where I sat and journaled. Writing out past hurts/instances and praying that God would show me areas where there is still hurt or I need to give over to Him or whatever!

So at the park I got up and walked around, I got to the lake. I stood there and thought and prayed and prayed and thought and felt that God wanted to bring me to a place of surrender, and of openness and giving up control, to take me to the next level He has for me and He wants to take me there if I just let Him. I continued to pray. God I feel like you are calling me to action! I don't know what that means but I think it's some kind of action. And then....this calm beautiful lake started to ripple, started to move, started to become active out of nowhere. No boats, no animals in the water...the water just decided to pick up at that moment.

I get it. It's time to work through some stuff...time to get rid of somethings that have kept me silent and have stifeled me and kept me "calm" and let God work. So here goes!

It's so exciting to see that the things the Lord stirred in me even then, 5 months ago, are being displayed in my life now. What things do you need to surrender to the Lord? Is He challenging you to something deeper? Come to the Breakthru conference and find out.

Community Life- Gainesville, GA

Tue, 3 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Seven strangers, picked to live in a house together to have their lives taped, to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real."

September 1^st this became somewhat of a reality. I actually had a few friends say to me that this Community Life thing seemed kind of like the Real World just without the video cameras. Funny right? But really, those words in the quote above, which are quoted at the beginning of every episode of The Real World, hold truths that as a community we have been discovering and are now discovering even 5 months into this. When this journey into community started there were ups and downs. The downs stemmed from expectations brought in by each of us; what did we want from this time; An internship? A new place to live? Something to do to pass the time? Thus coming to the underlying question of: What is community and what is it going to mean for us?

For me personally, I saw this as an internship; something to add to the resume before Grad school. An internship with a mission organization looks pretty good to a Christian school right? Imagine my surprise when one of our first house meetings was about the Acts church and modeling after the community they shared. A few people threw terms around like "choosing in" and "going there." What does that even mean and look like? I mean, I didn't even know these people and I am supposed to let them in, give them permission to call me out, challenge me and know me? What a process this was of breaking me of my self-seeking and self focused attitude! Even to realize how much this type of attitude was in me! It was very humbling. We all had to get on the same page, put our selfishness aside and choose into community and doing life together.

So where does that bring us to five months later? Well....there are now 12 of us and although our lives are not taped, I believe we are starting to see that it's time to stop being polite and start getting real. It may get messy. You see, choosing into community doesn't just mean going along with others for the sake of getting along, it means choosing to "go there" and taking a risk in exposing yourself to others even if it means that not everyone agrees and not everyone is comfortable. This means asking for help, being vulnerable, and confronting/challenging others. When you live with this many people day in and day out for this many months at a time, they become your support, family, the people you have to turn to and your mirrors when you need it.

This means that the selfish ways and pride have to be put aside and died to. It means saying that even though I am afraid of being an "inconvenience" with the things I'm going through or need to share, that I am going to go there because you matter and are worth it and because this community matters and is worth it. How high is my safety and trust level to do this? In the same respect it means that I will die to my selfish ways enough to be aware of and sensitive enough to my brother or sister when they have a need and in some cases I will need to "inconvenience" them by being asked what's going on. It means taking the risk to walk alongside with and really be there for someone or to let someone really be there for you; realizing that they may or may not give anything in return....it's just worth the risk, worth fighting for. How much do I always want it/fight for it?

It's the same way with Christ. He gave Himself up for His beloved and expected nothing in return. We were worth that much to Him. The way I see it is that if we are to be becoming more and more like Him all the time, isn't this what we should be modeling and moving toward in our daily lives and interactions; especially in the context of community? Slowly yet surely we are moving toward it....it won't happen in a day, but it will happen with the Lord at the center of our community and not ourselves.

"12 strangers coming to live in a house together, all with different expectations; only to lose them, gain relationships and build a community centered around Christ and His glory rather than themselves and their glory"

The forrest or the trees?

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Happy New Year! Three more of our housemates came in and they are a great addition to the little family we got going on here :) It's been so fun getting to know them so far! I feel like so much has happened in the last few weeks!

Every Friday we have what we call teachings. These are kind of like sessions that happen from 8 to about 10 on Friday mornings and are taught by leaders in AIM. They have been talking about many different topics that as a community we'd like to hear about or just topics that would benefit us. Such as discipleship, spiritual gifts, communication and most recently, leadership. Seth, the president/CEO of AIM, has been teaching us specifically about self leadership and asked us how we lead ourselves. Leading ourselves? What does that mean? I know for me I was struggling with what that looked like in my life. And on top of that he wanted us to give each other feedback on how we self lead? So I sat, looked at my goals and tried to figure out how I was leading myself to those them. Finally achieving that, I realized what I dreaded was the feedback. Not really worried about hearing it, more like worried because I knew what was coming....and I knew I'd agree with any criticisms. I feel like I have all these grand goals and dreams but that I haven't been doing anything to get to those things :( I am not ok with that. Something that has stuck with me in the feedback I received was that I get hung up in the details of things and really, that's it. I get easily overwhelmed. I "can't see the forest through the trees."

Even as I write this, things are starting to click for me. Before I left for Christmas break, I was praying and God showed me this picture, this is what I wrote in my journal:

"It's like I have been walking through this grass and all that is around me is trees. It is all that surrounds me. I look ahead and more trees. I finally start to see a little light shine through. Could there be something up ahead? I can't see anything else but trees. On the other side there could be a beautiful sun, a view of the water or mountains or something that's in the horizon up ahead"

I wrote this a few months ago and really that sums me up. I see all this "stuff" and haven't known how to sort through it. I am pretty easily overwhelmed. I know there's peace to find in the midst of it, and that once I take a breath and take it one step at a time I can see through it all. That's just it, I am presented with two options: either I can push through it, or stop out of overwhelming frustration.

So back to the teachings, we continued on more about leadership and talked about how self leading includes

Proactivity
Beginning with an end in mind
Prioritization (First things first)

Was this ever speaking to me!!! I need to get this under control. I can be pretty bad about getting things started/going. What happens is that I get super excited about all the possibilities for the end goal, and then quickly get overwhelmed by it all, no balance is really achieved. I can list things out that need to get done, but then doing the whole "first things first" and prioritizing it all....that's another story:/

So, all this to say......No more. It's time to get going. What are my goals? God put it on my heart to go back to school, grad school, so it's time to get going. No more standing still. No more overwhelming-ness, or seeing crazy trees everywhere, time to push through!

Merry Christmas! (Video up too!)

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I've been a bit absent in the blog world as of late. I do have what I think is a pretty good reason. I wanted to give an all in one update on support, Com life, me and my time in Georgia. To finish everything off quite well before the new year, I have put together a video! Unfortunatley I've had to wait untill I got home(Florida) as it's on the computer here(Florida). Excuses aside :p I'd love to share some highlights as of late!

Last time I talked about the opportunity that I had to speak at my home church, Baylife, at the College group that meets on Friday nights. It went very well. I think it was well recieved and God totally spoke through me. Everyone got to see what I've been up to the past few months, ask questions and I got to share the video with them that I thew together Since then I am 1600 away from full I amount I need for the year of 8000. God is SO good! Please be in prayer about how you can give and in prayer in general for my finances. God is so faithful and I have nothing but peace in this time. Thanks to those who have been such a support prayerfully and financially!

Our Comlife Christmas Party was last weekend and it was hit! Alot of AIM staff came. We had a white elephant gift exchange and some quality fellowship time!

Our Stockings/Mittens hanging!

Some in their tacky christmas outfits!

Following that time, it's been quite busy. Our housemates started to leave to go back to their families and it was a bittersweet time. Exciting to go home but sad to see everyone leave and say goodbye. it's crazy the bonds we've formed in such a short time! I'm exicted to see the next chapter of this community life thing. Especially with our new group of people coming in! What a great year that's ahead!

I touched down in Florida on Thursday and will be here until January 5th. So far so good. My family and I will be heading to Epcot Monday and will be returning back to our house on Christmas Eve. I really look forward to this. We've been going to Epcot during Christmas over the past few years and it's become quite the tradition. I'm very excited for some quality time with mi familia!

I am really looking forward to the next few weeks and what they will hold as I spend time with friends and faimly in Florida. To my Georgia fam: I miss you! Funny enough I find myself referring to Georgia as home now too.....who would've thought ;) And to my 7 people; Rosie, Ali, Jessica, Amanda, Barton, Maggie and Kim, you are are on my heart and I'm praying for you all my dear friends, see you in a few weeks!

Until the New year I say Merry Christmas and Happy New year to you! I hope you enjoy this time with your loved ones and remember the reason for the season. I hope you enjoy this video I put together. I am by no means a videographer or professional but hey I gave it a shot! It's a quick little look at the people and places I've been around these last few months.

Blessings to you!

I'm not the same!

Thu, 4 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I'm back in Georgia as of Sunday and have since been getting into the swing of things once again. Greeted by my wonderful roomate and cold weather, it was clear that I was back where I needed to be. It just felt right. I enjoyed my time in Florida so much but what I learned was that I had made the right decision to move and it felt great. It was great to see friends and family but what I realized was that I am not the same person anymore.

Leaving Georgia and heading to Florida I had many emotions. I was excited, anxious and for the first time...I didn't know what to expect. It's a funny feeling really, not knowing what to expect when going to the most familar place for you. I had changed. It was evident to me and has been made clear from the Lord over the last 3 months. But what did that mean when I went home? This hasn't just some mountain top camp experience that has been going on over the last few months...this has been my life. Without realizing it, I have been redefining myself and who I am and thinking about how this self fits into the Brandon, FL life was a hard concept to grasp.

So what is this "self" that I am referring to? This redefined, new, different person? It's a self that knows more about who I am and what my passions are. It's a self that walks more boldly in the life of freedom that God has called me too. A self that doesn't accept lies and self condemnation.

More than anything I'm not that person anymore.

I have come to a huge revelation since being in Georgia. I have put so much pressure on myself to keep friendships in tact. To make everything turn out right....to not fail at things.

No more. I'm done.

I can't fix people. I can't be everyone's everything. It takes the life from me and there's nothing's left. This has been a hard lesson learned as I tend to take the feelings and concerns of those around me on my shoulders. People matter so much to me and I haven't been able to have the healthy line of friendships that allows me to be a support and a friend rather than a fixer and a counseler.

God by His Holy Spirit does the ultimate conviction and change in a person.

So I'm letting go and as I went home this time around, I could see it happening! I wasn't allowing people to lean so much on me that felt empty, I was speaking truth over their lives. I was recognizing the lies that they were living in and pointing them out. Letting them know who they are in Christ, who Christ says they are as His own. I learned however, that people are not always receptive. They don't readily see the truth of who they are and it's in His word! It was a hard, sad thing. But in that sadness, God has burdened me about prayer. I will pray for those at home who need it and in general remember those at home in prayer.

I'm thankful for these things I've seen and changes I've made and I'm excited for more! Has it really only been 3 months?!

Training camp cont.d...

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Gonna back track a bit here. I wantd to say a little more about training camp. After break thru conference, training camp came into full swing and the first night was spent at Unicoi Park

That's where we stayed. Those little box/cubby hole looking things lol. It was really great actually. A message was brought around a camp fire that night and fellowship was had by the racers. It was a good time to get to meet them and hear how they were feeling about the coming 11 months on the feild as well as fellowship with them. The next day we did a cross walk. We were to right down on a log given to us, something we needed to give surrender. We trudged down this long hike with this log. Through ups and downs, high places, places, rough terrain and smooth. The end brought me to a cross wher I layed my log down at. That was it. I layed it down at the cross.

Training camp was a major turning point for me. God tested me in my need to be perfect. The way I carry everything on my shoulders. He made me give that up. One example, he put me in charge of the food for training camp. One thing about me is I have this fear of being in the kitchen! I don't see myself as a good cook. To the point that it stresses me out and I feel so incredibly fearful that I will completley and utterly mess everything up. This small fear in the kitchen seems just that....small. But really that's life for me. Alot of weight on my shoulders. alot of fear or failure, it's all on me to make things right. So anyway, I was put in charge of food and all that had to crumble down. I put together the menues for camp and on Carribean day I was actually put in the kitchen...ah! But of course God in His faithfullness eased my emotions and turned it in to a success.

Chicken for 60 people! I cooked that!

Authentic "Rice and Peas" thanks to the cooks! Caitlin serving it out!

Plantains were a hit!

Overall it was a success. Training camp was truly good for the particpants as well as its workers! God is good :)

Back in Florida!

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Surprise.....I'm home in Florida! I got here on Friday the 21st and surprised a lot of friends and family. It's been a wonderful time so far. Aside from the wonderful weather(50's-60's in the evening, 70's during the day!) I was able to go to my friends' wedding on Saturday( a main reason for coming home so early) which was beautiful and truly a great time to visit with friends!

Aren't they cute? The newly Mr. and Mrs. Clark!

It's good to be home and be refreshed. To see how people are doing and show people the change that has taken place in me. I'm truly thankful for that! I'll be home through Sunday the 30th! I also have a really awesome opportunity. This Friday the 28th, at our Baylife 60 campus our college pastor is giving me the floor to talk about what has been going on over the last few months. Please come if you can! I will have pictures to show and some video. It will be at 8 at the Baylife 60 campus. All and any are welcome to come here and catch up with me!

Address: 917 E Brandon Blvd Brandon, FL 33511-5500 Let me know if you can make it, I'd love to see you and there will be food as well :D

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope this is a great time with friends and family!

It's been a week.

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

A week ago from today we had just got back from Cairo. Fun was had, memories were made, and God moved. We had a vbs planned, prayer times at the Cairo house of prayer, bible studies, and time to hang out with the children and people of Cairo. We arrived in Cairo and I'll be honest, my head and heart weren't in it. I had been so excited about coming and in the matter of a day or two, my spirits were low.

Cairo, IL, borders Missouri and Kentucky, and is separated by the Ohio and Mississippi River. It is an abandoned town, with about 3000 people, many of which live below the poverty line. Even driving down the streets I could sense that there was a hopelessness, a sadness for a town that used to be vibrant in it's day.

It was the last stop on the underground railroad to the north, the first place in the north where African Americans could be free. As time went on during the time of the civil rights movements, a seemingly vital town started to disinegrate with "white flight," and riots. Presently this city consists of buildings that are destroyed down to nothing but piles on the ground, project housing and poverty that runs rampant through the town.

I had never really understood or truly experienced spiritual warfare. Something changed in me when I entered Cairo. The spirit of hopelessness, oppression and darkness filled that place and...I felt it. "What do i do with this Lord? How do I come against this?" It was weighing me down, I felt distracted, I felt heavy. It was as if everything I carried even to the littlest bit, whether it had been struggles in my own life personally or with other people were magnified. I felt all those feelings to the extreme and they were distracting me from the puprose we had going into this thing. Not not to mention the weight of sadness and hopelessness of this town. I got to talk to and pray with some of the people in the high rise apartments and see that they felt this is their station in life and that there is no lasting hope, no change coming and it was really heartbreaking.

The Cairo house of prayer. This was a very important part of our stay in Cairo. Two of our leaders had been apart of this house of prayer in past years. We would gather with those on staff with this ministry and pray for this city. I soon learned that the climate of this town was everything that I had picked up from being here. I realized that our weapon against this hopelessness, this despair and this sadness was prayer. And pray is what we did. We prayed at the schools, the park, and the streets. I was surrounded by some prayer warriors for this town. It was encouraging, it ignited me. The Lord layed Ephesians on my heart and I read of God's promises for me: "God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus," "....that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come."

That's it. I have power given by a MIGHTY God. I am not ruled by the powers of this world I am a child of the Most High King! The battle is already one, the power is in me and I am not knocked down. What a powerful thing. It changed how I veiwed the whole rest of the week. I could have written about the vbs we did, the outreach in the projects and the things our community experienced and those are in no way discounted. However, I feel that this is what God showed me most when I was in Cairo. He burdened my heart and put a hope in me for this city, and really for this nation that is in ruins. That the weight of darkness and oppression is not permenant, it will be removed. To see that the change in this city will come from the empowerment of the people in this city, a new generation of people. People of hope. people of change. To encourage them in the hope that is available. God wants restoration, He wants redpemtion! It will come.......

-It is coming!!

Live from Cairo

Sun, 2 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Hey! So I promised I would post the second part to this... I do have it, but me and my team are in a place called Cairo, Illinois this week doing ministry within that community. I have no access to the internet while I am here. I did want to let you know what I am doing though so I am dictating to my friend what to type over the phone (so I am not really "live" from Cairo typing this, but I am "live" from Cairo saying this!). Please pray for us as we are in a pretty poor area doing ministry in the inner city and the projects. We will be doing after school tutoring, working in a soup kitchen, putting on a VBS program, and door to door ministry. This will be a great opportunity for us, but a testing one as well, as we learn how to do ministry together and for some of us to go outside of our comfort zone. I'll be sure to update you all when I return with many pictures and stories of our time here in Cairo. Thanks for your prayers and support during this time; I can't wait to share with you all that we see and experience.